First what is a pregnancy ticker? It is a graphic often added to an e-mail signature that looks like a 40-42 week time line with a countdown to the birth in X days, X minutes, and sometimes X (!!) seconds. Some "cute" pointer moves along the timeline.
Yikes! A ticker knows to the second when a baby will be born!? A normal gestation is 38-42 weeks when labor is left to start on its own (if you're induced at 38, 39, 40,+, weeks, I consider that premature). What happens when you approach the end of your ticker... and... no contractions? What happens when you get to the end and you don't have a birth?
Two related scenarios come to mind that bring me to my conclusion. The first time I put an inspirational quote in my signature with the intention to inspire others, I found I was the one who the quote imprinted more than anyone else. I saw the quote over and over and over. In the case of an inspirational quote, this is a good thing. I was repeatedly reminded of my purpose. In the case of birth, you do not know when you will go into labor. You do not need to so much focus on your due date. A ticker can only add to disappointment, intervention and anxiety. There are other ways to let people know your pregnant. Typing your due date in your signature is much better then a "countdown" which reminds me of a bomb.
Say other people actually do notice your ticker and the countdown. You're going to have them nagging near the end... its time.... its time... You mean you haven't delivered yet? More anxiety and pressure to preform.
Say you know when you are going to birth because your birth is scheduled, is a ticker still harmful? I say yes, because it it propagates the myth to others who still have a chance to go into labor naturally in the 38-42 week range. Get them thinking that "I must have a ticker, too."
You probably think I am very silly, to care about a silly little trendy graphic, but I see it as a red flag to your own pregnancy. I don't necessarily see it as a sign of a healthy outlook on your birth. I see it as harmful to others. Using a ticker shows me that OBs aren't the only ones responsible for the birth crisis. It shows me that mothers are also focused on getting the baby out around a particular date and don't understand the "normal" length of a human pregnancy and don't understand that labor is best when left to start on its own.
Disappointingly, I've seen natural birth communities promote these graphics.
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14 comments:
Yes I agree I think these things should be outlawed!! I especially see these on myspace pages and what not! Talk about pressure!! I learned my lesson though... next pregnancy I will aswer the infamous "when are you due" questions with a nice general "(insert month here)" rather than a specific date. I think it's just the same to constantly give people a "due date" and then when that date rolls closer people are constantly calling to see if you've given birth yet... no pressure. I went past my "due date" and after the first day or two past I was ready to throw the phone in the toilet!
I never got into having one of the tickers because I am techno-challenged like that.
Going past my due date last time led to an unnecessary c-section.
You can bet that next time I will be like Jen and give a due month. If pressed for a date, I might give my 42, 43, or 44 week date. Haven't decided yet.
Sometimes I wonder if including the ticker in a signature or on myspace is done to be "techno-impressive."
To someone who doesn't know how to add it, a ticker would be very impressive. There's otherways to impress without the dangers of a ticker.
As I was writing this post, I went to a popular ticker site to see what is involved with creating one. It was very easy. It didn't require me to sign into an account. I'm not pregnant so I sampled the breastfeeding tickers. I also found it impossible to customize. I am way over the limit they allow on a breastfeeding ticker... when you get to the end of a year it goes back to the beginning and repeats the line.
It didn't really portray my true timeline... or was it a hint I should have stopped at a year... hmmm....
Wow you mean to say they even have tickers for breastfeeding!?!
So where did the stigma about only breastfeeding for a year come from anyway? It really throws me for a loop because so many places (books, magazines, etc generally distributed to the masses) will say how beneficial breastmilk is and how nurturing nursing your baby can be but then in the same breath talk about weaning your child at the age of one... I must have missed the bulletin from Luke the day he turned one that said "I no longer need nurturing" !?!
I have to laugh ... I had one of these pregnancy tickers on my myspace page. I put mine there for a few reasons, but mainly because this being my first child, everyone was asking when I was due, how much longer I had, how big is the baby, and such. It was easier for me to do a ticker and I thought it was cute. I would have counted down the weeks until my due date with or without the ticker. Now the ticker has been replaced with one that shows how old my little one is! :)
I some how totally missed this post! :) You know I have a "ticker" on my site. Though I think it is some what unique. I understand what you are saying about the tickers and I don't disagree with you on those points.
I like the one I have for three reasons.
#1 Mine says how pregnant I am with no mention of when I am due. (You can click on the picture and it will change what it shows you, how many days are left, how many weeks, or how may days it's been but I have mine on how many weeks I am pregnant.) Today I am 21wks and 4 days. No matter when I am "due", today I AM 21 weeks and 4 days pregnant. For a mom at higher risk for preterm labor, incompetent cervix, and intrauterine growth restriction, that is an accomplishment. Every week that I see "tick" by is a source of reassurance for me. Knowing I am really close to the age of viability means a lot to me.
#2 It shows an approximate picture of what a baby at this stage looks like. I like thinking about it. I like knowing what my baby is like now. It's pretty rudimentary, but I still like it.
#3 As bad as it may be to focus on a due date, it is pretty necessary to know how many weeks pregnant you are. I am sure one of the very first questions I will be asked when I call the local homebirth midwives this week is how many weeks pregnant I am. This little icon is an easy way for me to find out.
I can see how due date focus can be, and is rather harmful in many situations. However, I feel wanting to keep track of your pregnancy is not. I guess it's all how you look at it. Because I am keeping track I knew when my OB said at my last appointment my uterus felt to be at the right height for 24 weeks that she was really jumping ahead and obviously full of dung. I don't want to always be logging into some due date calculator to find out what week I am, and I don't have a wheel, and I'm not getting out a calendar. I simply click on my blog and there it is. With four kids the weeks seem to slip by.
I don't know what this ticker I have will say when the part that counts down has done it's count down. I will be honestly shocked if I get there to find out given my history and the local climate in my area for situations like mine. I am still working on finding a place for me. In the mean time I AM 21 weeks 4 days pregnant and glad to know it.
Maybe it's my age and that I haven't really ever known anything else that I simply see it as a tool. My ticker serves a purpose for me and I see it as the best choice. I use the internet for just about everything and this is just another one of those things for me.
Sarah,
I am happy to see your well-thought out reasons why you want a ticker on your blog; I wondered why you would want one.
When I click on your blog, I have only seen the countdown and not how far along you are. I did once click on the babystrology.com to see where that would take me, I just didn’t think to go back and click somewhere else on the counter. I went back to it now to see how I can click on the counter.
I was given a mainstream pregnancy book during my first pregnancy. Chapters went week-by-week. I put it away for my second pregnancy. Focusing on dates even by week-by-week was way too much for me. Makes for a looong pregnancy. To focus on dates, sets women up for induction and C. When your pregnancy seems long, it’s easy to give in when you finally are asked, “Aren’t you ready to get this thing out.” I suppose pregnancy never seemed to slip by quickly to me.
Perhaps if the main focus of a provider is your dates and due date perhaps you should run.;) ( I know that’s nearly impossible in today’s birth climate.) I’d prefer to talk to women about birth and baby by topic. It gives me a much better understanding of what is going on. Maybe I am negligent, but often I have talked to pregnant women about “everything” and when I am writing my note after the appointment, I realize that I don’t have their exact due date. (Of course I am usually not doing the legal “prenatal care” per say. I function more as an empowering consultant. Have you read the read The Rent Tent, a book based on ancient biblical times? They counted pregnancy months by how many months they missed the “menstrual tent.” Back then exact dates weren’t important. It still isn’t. Exact dates are a result of the way we medically manage, as you know. Keeping track of pregnancy to the date (and seconds on some counters) is a consumer adaptation to meet expectations of modern medical providers and birth climate. Tickers will remain a red flag for me.
The first time I noticed tickers was about 1 ½ years ago on a popular natural family forum. I was really surprised that they allowed tickers for all the reasons I stated originally; including that they are so unnatural.
Your reply made me think about how I kept track of my dates. Before I had a computer, with William I had a nine month pregnancy paper calendar. I filled in conception and due date. I filled in each week in between with 1- 40 to label the weeks. It was handy for me to keep a record of appointments and pertinent pregnancy happenings. The calendar photos were awesome b/w photography that I became inspired me to emulate. William was born two days after his official due date.
Second pregnancy I kept track of in a plain date book. This was still before I had a computer. Again, I was 100% sure of my dates of conception. He was born a week after his due date.
Third pregnancy, I had it with week-by-week. I know when I am pregnant. I had a student’s spiral memo book. I wrote my conception and due date in it and wrote notes for my midwife and random thoughts. I wanted to forget my dates and enjoy the pregnancy. By this time, I lived on the computer. My birth friends were far away, as I had moved out of town. I did not work outside the house and wrote many e-mails documenting my pregnancy and venting my anxieties. I had the forethought to save everything, thinking I would eventually publish it. David was born a week before my due date based on conception. When my Spina bifida and Down’s screen came back positive. I did count and recount dates seeing if there was anyway I miscalculated weeks. He was born “earlier” then his brothers. Because he weighed the same (they all weighed 9 pounds); it makes me wonder about my calendar counting. I was absolutely certain of my conception. (Maybe this superficially makes a case for a ticker, but I would have still needed to pull out a calendar and count weeks and compare to my blood draw dates.)
The difference between my calendar and your ticker was that mine was private and not a harmful focal point for myself or others (friends cheering my pregnancy on or innocent women who would want a counter because they see mine). My paper calendar was not in my face all the time as I did not keep it in front of me. It was not in everybody else’s face either, to build an expectation that I must fulfill. I have three birth videos under an earlier blog. The third video with affirmations would make a great focal point that a child carrying woman should view daily.
Did you use a ticker for your daughter’s birth? I noticed on your blog a comment by someone who wanted a V, but ended up with a C, and in the end to her surprise it didn’t matter. I do realize you are fighting for your due date and not necessarily a VBAC. But public comments like that one I read are so typical and tend to make us (all of us, not just you) cave in and think it doesn’t matter.
Denise
Denise,
Well more importantly when the main focus of your provider is that your ONLY option is to have a repeat c-section, your due date does in fact matter quite a bit. I am running, but not so much because of the focus on the due date but the unwillingness to compromise or talk about it, when because I was only given the option of a ERC, it IS important. I was with the same provider last time and it was not so important. I was going to have a natural birth some time between 38-42 weeks approximately and there was no way to know when. My OB practice delivers at a birth place that is 24 hour stay, has a tub, real double beds in their rooms, as many guests as you want, baby with you all the time, no epidurals. They are the closest thing to a free standing birth center (that does not exist here) in this area. They allowed my doula to attend my c-section, even though it's only supposed to be your husband with you. They are not one of the big bad medical OB practices out there, at least not until you have been cut once. I did have an ultrasound on my due date, that I did not know was routine until then, but at that point I was just thrilled I was full term and that I was having my baby. There was a lot of doom and gloom those first 25 weeks or so because of my uterus. We did not know how it would affect things and for some women it leads to very sad outcomes. The fact that the only affect my uterus seemed to have on the pregnancy was breech presentation I took it as a blessing because of all the possible affects that one was the most manageable with the best possible outcome. I'll take breech over incompetent cervix any day. I am one of the lucky ones. Perspective is an interesting thing. The more open we are to the perspective of others the happier place this world will be.
To some people, having had a c-section does not matter. It truly does not. I don't fault people who say publicly that it doesn't matter to them, any more than I would fault some one for saying it does. To some people it truly does not matter. You can't change some one's truth. I think some times the reason for the C has to do with their lack of upset over the event. If you or your baby were truly in danger than it matters A LOT less. You are glad you and your baby are safe. I know this is a reason given for a c-section much more often than it is truly the case, causing people to be okay with c-sections they shouldn't be okay with, and that IS a problem. But that does not mean there aren't still necessary c-sections done. If you were faced with truly losing your child and a c-section saved their life it would not matter too much how they got here. I have never been in this position but two very good friends of mine were and I know they are simply glad to have their precious children. I don't know if my c-section saved any one's life or not. I do not think any one's life was in danger when it was done, but I don't know what would have happened if it hadn't been done. I do know it's not up to me to decide if some one's section was necessary or not and if their "it does not really matter" attitude is justified or not. It's her truth, who am I to question? Do I believe the woman should question for herself? Absolutely. But not me.
We can't force it to matter, and people who think it doesn't matter are not some how forcing others to think the same way. Every one's experience is different and honestly I envy the ones who can go on with life confident it didn't matter and feel sad for women that I see carrying hate and hurt that they can't let go of. Pregnancy and birth can be wonderful and amazing things. But it's 9 months and then 1 day of your life. Maybe it's my perspective as an adoptive mom, who not only missed those 9 months and 1 days with 3 of her children, but I also missed, collectively, 17 years of their lives. I still love them and I am still glad they are here and it does not matter that they didn't come out of my vagina. None of my children passed through my birth canal and all of yours did, and yet we still love our children, do our best by them, and are happy to have them. DOES it really matter? From some perspectives it does, but from others, it truly does not.
Also, I think it depends on which of your births the c-section is. If it is your last child (as was the case with the person who commented on my blog) then it matters a lot less than if you are going to be having more children. My own c-section mattered less to me before than it does now because I hadn't yet been faced with the effects on this pregnancy it is having. If I had never been pregnant again I wouldn't be having the feelings about my previous c-section that I am having now. (And who knows what affects a vaginal birth would have had on me. Some vaginal, though very successful births, are quite traumatic.) I also better see the potential affects my choices now will make on any future pregnancies I may choose to have in the future. Again it's perspective, and it's not one my provider gave me, but one I had to come up with on my own. THAT is a problem. Maybe they would matter to more people if providers were upfront about the risks and future implications these surgeries bring. Mine didn't tell me and many women don't have time to figure it out, or further more they don't know there is some thing they SHOULD be figuring out. That is a much bigger problem than pregnancy tickers. Maybe we need to invent a ticker to run on my site that rolls through the negative effects of a c-section.
I realize there are a LOT of issues culturally here that are contributing to a lot of hurt and pain for women and a lot of God given rights being taken away. I in no way want to say I don't see anything wrong with the way things are. There ARE huge problems. Maybe my pregnancy ticker is a red flag in my pregnancy, but if it is, it's a little tiny one in the back of a huge field of bigger ones. That ticker is my reality. My due date IS important. I'm not going to change my reality. If some one came to my blog and read about me they would learn my reality. Maybe they won't look at my ticker and my due date obsessions and say "that is what I should do", maybe they will say "I don't want to do that." "I don't want that to be my reality." I certainly don't want this to be my reality, but IT IS.
My last pregnancy I had signed up for weekly email updates. I think it was babycenter. They sent me an email the first day of every week saying you are "x" number of weeks and a little paragraph about the baby and what you might or might not be experiencing. That was how I kept track. I did not agree with all that they were promoting etc and was not looking to hear from them again so I didn't do that this time. It was private and came to my inbox and people who never saw them still asked me those things that people ask pregnant women when it's close to the end. I had a woman ask me two weeks before I was due, a stranger at the mall, "What? Were you due like yesterday?" I felt a lot better confidently saying "No, in two weeks" which really shut her up, I hate to imagine what I would have felt like saying "I don't know." Maybe if we all said "I don't know" then things would change and over time it'd become normal which seems to be ideal and what you would like to see happen, but I don't see how that change can start with us because the fact of the matter is we do know, we are forced to know, and as I am currently finding out, if we don't know, it can actually be quite dangerous in the current climate.
So you don't think I am completely daft I want to say that I think I do understand where you are coming from. I understand that pregnancy and birth are the way they are in part because it's what women are demanding. (It's a majority of women, which does not include you and I, though seemingly me more than you, but anyways.) It's happening in part because it's what women are demanding and I believe that what you are saying is that things like pregnancy tickers are what are influencing women to demand what they are demanding. I can see that. I'm not sure I believe it, but I can see how could be a part. I personally think that women have been bugged by friends, neighbors, and family about "when that baby's going to come out" long before there were tickers. If anything, tickers are a response to that fact. We're tired of answering it, so just look at my ticker and leave me alone. I think some one else who commented on this post was basically saying just that, and I think she was spot on. I don't think tickers are causing a due date obsession but are a response to one already in existence.
Sarah
The most unique and healthiest way I can think to "show" on myspace, your website, blog, etc... would be to put a glowing series of pregnancy photos of the mom (and family) as she progresses through the pregnancy.
One look at the latest photo would let all your site visitors know how far a long/how far you have to go without dwelling on “EXACT” dates. I’d much rather see a due date used as a caption under a photo then associated with a ticker.
It is fun taking a series of pregnancy photos! Maybe it can be one of my next topics at the top of the blog to post a series of pics during my last pregnancy.
Why don't women take photos of themselves when they are pregnant? Because most society and most women see themselves as ugly and not very photogenic. Instead of using photos to show off a pregnancy; icons: some ugly and some "cute" if you will, are replacing the chance to create healthy images of ourselves.
Women are convinced our wombs are broken and our bodies don't labor right (I know I sure was convinced that my body was broken after my first labor). Taking photos... and thinking up new and creative ways to e-mail my pregnancy progress to my friends was fun. My creative expression was also very freeing. My creative outlet was absolutely necessary to help me conquer the obstacles between me and my vaginal birth.
The photos also leave a very sentimental memento for your baby compared to a very non-unique icon image. As your baby grows they will treasure the series of photos and a creative perspective of pregnancy far more than anything a ticker can do.
I challenge you pregnant moms to take down your tickers and replace with beautiful and unique photos and snapshots that show your pregnancy progression.
I appreciate all the comments to this post. Your comments help me clarify and further express my thoughts.
How scary!!!! Do you know that by using it on a myspace you are telling the world and all the freaks out there when they can come try to steal a baby if they are so inclined. YIKES!!!! I see no harm in doing it in your e-mail. You are emailing people you know, so I don't think there is any added pressure. I was two weeks late with my first...and I loved being pregnant, so it was fun to be able to share with everyone my experience. Maybe I'm weird that way!
I know how upsetting those tickers can be- I had my baby at 43 weeks. Tickers just don't go that long.
These are all great points and I generally agree with what you are saying. Which means now I'm rather conflicted because I still like them. Your post gives many possible reasons why women put them on their blogs and emails but it doesn't address any of the reasons why I like the pregnancy ticker-- and probably why many other moms like them as well.
I like the pregnancy ticker and I put one on my blog during my last pregnancy because of the updates on the baby's growth. I love to think about little feet forming, bones growing, eyes opening. It helps me to visualize the little person growing within. It helps me to remember that person, to muse on her. And it helps get the focus off of it being all about me, me, me.
I like the idea of posting pregnancy photos and indeed I did post quite a few during my first pregnancy. Too tired this time around from chasing after the toddler. But a pregnancy photo only really shows me, the mom. The ticker shows not a beautiful bulging belly but an icon of the beautiful person inside that belly.
I agree that it did annoy me a little at the very end when I was nearing my due date. I did go past it and the docs were pressing for a second c-section and I didn't like that pressure. But up till that point I didn't really notice the countdown feature of the ticker.I never looked at the number of days left, I hardly payed attention to the numbers at all because I'm not a numbers person really, I wasn't in countdown mode and in fact could never recall my due date and when people asked I'd just vaguely say, "The beginning of March." No the countdown wasn't why I looked at it and could have disappeared for all I cared.
Perhaps what's really needed is not doing away with pregnancy tickers altogether but a redesign, a better pregnancy ticker. Maybe someone could come up with one that doesn't focus on due date or count down days at all. Maybe it could just be the little image of a floating baby with information about what (approximately) is happening in there. Because for me it's all about the baby.
Melanie,
I appreciate your points and contribution. I have not seen any tickers that focus on the growing baby (little feet forming, bones growing, eyes opening) in a healthy empowering way. If you know of any please share. I have seen one that compares a baby to a raison and the length of a hotdog. Too cold for me, too distancing...
While we should certainly focus and celebrate on the growing baby, I want woman to focus on their radiant and spiritual growth through pregnancy. This is not what most woman do. Tickers seem to materialize a pregnancy. I agree with you that cyberspace could probably could benefit from a new ticker...
I should be studying, so I apologize for poor and quick choice of words, but good things to consider.
You have a very good point, those ticker that count down to your due date only set you up for trouble because in all actuality the due date is only a guess.
It is perfectly normal for the baby to come just before or days after the due date and still be perfectly healthy. I never thought of tickers contributing to the problem until I read your post.
I wish I could find a ticker that just showed the progress of my pregnancy and my baby's growth, maybe I can edit one of the tickers.
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