My archives might be a little outdated especially the older blogs. My links above are all new and current.

I have only positive things to say about Permission to Mother, an autobiographical account of a thoughtful mother and clinician who courageously writes from her heart, soul, brain, and personal experience; who is open to change in her views and opinions and is not guided by the safety of rules of any group or the status quo; she is guided by love and openness to the experiences life brings her and her family. Her process benefits her and those around her and those who read her words. And to add to that, the writing style and story telling ability here make it a very enjoyable read speckled with both the humor and seriousness of life. ~Laura Keegan RN FNP, author of Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy

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Friday, June 6, 2008


I've been looking at the photo in the previous post a lot. And this new one. I've spent the past two evenings with Katie. Katie is so precious and when I watch her with her mom, she is like her moms "little best friend." My friend is an animal rescuer for the humane society. As we were cycling, Katie wanted to stop and see every rabbit, snake, kitty, puppy. She is waving and talking to them, just like her mother does. Katie likes sharing the bike ride. When we were done with the bikes, it was just so cute how she got the exercises ball for her mom and "helped" her do sit-ups by some pseudo-spotting. Katie got out the dress-up clothes and wanted us to help her look pretty. She sat in between us on the couch all cuddly looking at photos, web pages, and showing me photos of her in my book, "That's me!" (pages 18, 235.)

As you know, I am the mother of three boys. Boys love video games and guns. I don't have a girl to pass on my passions. I may influence many woman and they may influence me. Indeed, my sons are more than familiar with with what's important to me. But, I won't have a daughter to tell her (OK-nag, as the boys say I would do) how to birth and take care of her family and to share the more simpler day-to-day activities of being a mother/female/friend. I'll be OK.

Photo provided by Katie.


Danibee said...

Denise - I think God wanted you to have boys so that you could pass on your birth and family wisdom on to them. You touch women every day in your practice, with your book and on your blog. By God giving you sons, he gave you another outlet to teach a segment of the population that you normally wouldn't reach.

Your boys will be amazing fathers and will, hopefully, influence and help educate their future wives and their children.

crispy said...

I am so grateful to have daughters. I love that I am the influence in their lives. I once read that the same sex parent often is the biggest influence to a child.

I know that you have influenced many moms and then they have influenced their daughters. Take joy in that. You just don't have to put up with the typical girl issues. =)

Jennifer said...

While pregnant with my third boy, I got many wonderful and positive comments about how God chooses special women to raise all boys. The thought is so encouraging to me on the rare days when I think of how nice a daughter might be. I do a lot of praying for awesome daughters-in-law!

Red said...

I have you in my thoughts Denise. I was blessed with a son and a daughter and they are worlds apart.

they learn differtnly, process information differently...the list goes on. But by having both, you have to learn to teach differently. So in essence, they are teaching and do not even know it. Thanks kids!

Orlando Realtor said...

Denise.....your input as a woman, personally and professionally has made it's mark on many other woman and their daughters.

You have 3 healthy, beautiful boys..always be thankful and proud of them.

As the mother of 2 grown girls, I will add that there is no relationship more complex then that of a mother-daughter.

However, at the same time, there is nothing that life can give us, that is more beautiful or valuable then the friendship of our grown daughters.

My respect & love to you and your sister forever.

Shannon said...

Denise- This post brought tears to my eyes and made me realize how lucky I am to have such a beautiful daughter. Thank you for this post.

Permission to Mother should be studying said...

In my mind I have no shortage of topics I want to write about and they are "written" in my mind. Yet, I was thinking about sweet little Katie and spontaneously wrote my thoughts about being daughterless.

I appreciate the VERY thoughtful comments in response to daughterless. Of course, If I were lucky enough to have another the sex of the child wouldn't matter. (I am not P.)

I have no doubt that my boys will not take thier own children for granted. As they continue to mature, we will surely have conversations for example: If you want your baby born at home like David and breastfed these are things to know how your girl friend feels about before you get engaged. They indeed will be taught not all woman are willing to do this.

I agree with my mother, the mother daughter relationship is complex (well-said). I have what I can handle!


anastasiadenton said...

My husband is the HARDER sell, not me. I'll try most things once! HE does the knee-jerk reaction. Nope, Nada, will not change.

MY mom wishes my brother was MORE assertive with his wife. No one agrees with her parenting "style", more like lack there of. REALLY, my famiy's views stretch far & wide but this gal...... anyways he WAS taught better and it is one of the few things that keep his children in his home.

That you've started EARLY with your boys, that they KNOW instinctively, the difference between right & wrong is more important as a whole!

Who know, you may have 3 ob/gyn's on your hands that will be strong advocates FOR the lifestyle you've shown them instead of being against it! (read midwives, it's fiction but that's the ending)

And one of my sons is my best friend. My daughter is only 2, adorable but SO unlike me! So Him I get along with MUCH MORE, lol!

Riotgrl437 said...

Just think DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW!! If your boys believe marriage is for life, and find a woman who does too, you will get her as a real daughter that you can't lose! I love my new set of parents (Matt's parents), they are wonderful, and it's so great to know they will ALWAYS be there. Marie McClanahan

amyjohanna said...

I am blessed with 2 sons and I think I may be unusual in that I secretly hoped for boys during both pregnancies. I come from a large mainly female family and have many sisters and a brother. I worked as a nanny for many years and always bonded with the little boys - they are so easy going, straight forward and fun. I find it sad to see women overly mouring the loss of a daughter relationship as I really feel what you are missing is a relationship with yourself - deep huh! ) There is an over identification with alot of mothers & daughters which is why it can be so complex between them. There exists a need for a 'mini - me' with some egos & this I believe is to fill a hole within us - but any gaps with in us are not going to be truly filled by others as we are individuals. Women who are particulary codependent types ( look this up alot of peeps are) find it particularly hard to not have a daughter as they are programmed to find their identification in others a 'mini me' not themselves. The gift of sons I believe, other than the fact they are fabulous! is that of personal growth and individuality as a women. We are truly mothers for we are not nuturing an extention of our egos - 'she loves bunnies so do I' ! type thing but our children - little individuals whoever they are. I think the women who make negative comments regarding boys and favour girls stongly tend to have some underlying issues underneath so take it with a pinch of salt. So my message is don't let society make you feel bad for the gender of your child - they have their own agendas! Celebrate being a mother whatever your babies gender might be XXX

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