My archives might be a little outdated especially the older blogs. My links above are all new and current.

I have only positive things to say about Permission to Mother, an autobiographical account of a thoughtful mother and clinician who courageously writes from her heart, soul, brain, and personal experience; who is open to change in her views and opinions and is not guided by the safety of rules of any group or the status quo; she is guided by love and openness to the experiences life brings her and her family. Her process benefits her and those around her and those who read her words. And to add to that, the writing style and story telling ability here make it a very enjoyable read speckled with both the humor and seriousness of life. ~Laura Keegan RN FNP, author of Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy

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Sunday, October 5, 2008

Life - Keeping it Real

I am glad I had some relaxing times in August (after the August 1st exam) as you can tell from my posts that month.

Anticipating that the Board Exam was over, I accepted new promising challenges: like preparing for my first conference speaking, training a nurse practitioner student, enrolling William in 6th grade Virtual Math and wanting to promote the breastfeeding and nutrition part of my practice more.

Lucky me, I chose the women's module as part of my exam and I come to find that section was "defective," so the Board says. ((I knew, knew, knew there was something wrong with that test.)) They accept "responsibility" and there is no official record of me taking the exam and I get to do it again, the same test, December 2nd. I don't even have to pay the thousand dollar fee to take it again. They really have tried to make good. Ha. I am psyched out. Imagine that. I'm "just" a little moody to be around, so if I keep a friendly distance away with two computers between us we will get a long good. Taking the test in cycle with everyone else was one thing. I am really dragging now.

With the burden of the test and all the holidays, birthdays (mine, grandmas, the kids), anniversaries (mine), high holidays, 3 months of anticipating the consumerism Christmas season(a burden in my book) and all the pioneering things I WANT to do that I previously accepted to do, I'm in a little over my head. Just a little. Just a little.

I should take a blog break, but I probably won't because I have enough to say, I could easily fill another book and its really my only social life right now (and a blessing to be able to connect so easy). I feel relief journaling and accountability as I think my goals (and weaknesses) through and share them.

I never did start the virtual math curriculum. William's on his own. Er, I mean, we are definitely unschoolers right now with no curriculum. The boys have outside activities every night I'm trying to keep up with. I need to keep on this exercises and nutrition path for my sanity. Instead of reading review books to study, I got audio digests to plug into the CD while I walk and drive. Now I have to MOVE to get my studying in.

I also decided to limit my new patients to only breastfeeding, nutrition, and pregnancy until after I have my exam results. After the exam, I can open the door to all comers. I want to be able to take care of my established practice without taking on new responsibility. I've also cut back on my office hours some. John, my dear husband, already thought I hardly work. Now I hardly work, less, he says. A pain he can be demanding me to work more, but this time, it was actually his suggestion to lighten my load. Making this decision was really hard because I have never been one to deny an office visit.

Preparing for a talk is HARD work. I am finding that I am a perfectionist (to my own detriment). I want to go out and play today. But I am going to study and then fool around with the power point.... and I have to find a new dress. My nutrition is paying off. Nothing fits me (that's a good thing). Yet, its just another thing to do. I really don't like shopping, as much as people think I do(or generalize and think women do), for dresses and shoes, especially under pressure for an occasion.

My almost 93 year old frail Grandmother fell AGAIN yesterday morning. She is having hip surgery now, this morning. (She may be in recovery by now). I want to go see her on Wednesday in Orlando. There is a special reason for me to go on Wednesday.

I'm accepting that I am going to have a challenging few weeks a head of me. If I am not my usual self, now you know why. Getting that certified letter from the Board a week before they released the passing the scores on our profiles has eaten at me. I was feeling really good with my accomplishments and goals. I didn't think anything could beat me. I feel beaten.

Courtney has a prayer box--such a sweet thing to do with her kids. Can I go in it? Not on an index card. I mean can I go in it, shut the lid and come out after January 1st?

I'm glad I am surrounded by my kids in the morning. They know how bad I feel. I am really lucky because I start my day with three loving kid hugs. January 1st come fast, please.


Karen said...

hang in there denise...your life def. sounds overwhelming at the moment, but you are such a strong woman & def. an inspiration to me! i dont know how you do so much, so i cant see this getting you down!!

you are in my thoughts for sure!

Wife to the Rockstar said...

I love this post. I am laughing so hard about the prayer box. Of course you go in it, but only if I can join you. LOL.

I am sorry about your grandma. And about shopping. I hate it too.

Hey, I like your new badge on your blog. Word Verification is EVIL.

CLP said...

I can not imagine how disheartening it is to have to retake the boards. It sounds like you are making the right decision in scaling back your work load for a while. As I'm sure you tell your patients (especially new mothers), you need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others.

Orlando Realtor said...

I love shopping and am pretty good at it. Anyone interested in hiring me as a personal shopper?

I am available.

crispy said...

I got a giggle out of the prayer are making me laugh this morning.

You sound busy and hopefully you aren't too overwhelmed. Take a breath...

Tammie said...

Wow! Good luck with everything. And I think going in the prayer box is a great idea! I have told Ry more then once "can I just hit the pause button so I can take some time and clear my head" Maybe Henry David Thorough had the right idea with Walden's Pond! ;)

Permission to Mother said...

You guys did make me smile to see your replies.

The prayer box takes on another purpose....

Lauren said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. How is she doing?

My heart sank for you when you told me about your test. I hope that these next few months sail by quickly for you.

I'm looking forward to hearing you talk at the conference. You'll be sure to inspire your entire audience, I know it!

Have a safe drive to Orlando on Wednesday.

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