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Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Next Big Family Project...

I was hoping to get a break from "projects" for a little bit. I was hoping to move in and settle before the next commitment came along. That's not my life. Before I was even moved, I was reminded by our personal cantor that it was time to pick a date to celebrate William and Scott becoming a Bar Mitzvah... and to start lessons soon.

We have a date February 12th. Mark your calender. Don't know how big our celebration will be, but just in case.

I was giving myself a break from formal homeschooling and not quite ready to start with ANY outside lessons. But here I am trying to get the boys to refresh their Hebrew. I am totally intimidated by the whole idea. I found the boy's Hebrew school attendance to be a drain on me (although they learned a lot) and I wonder if this tutoring at home will be easier on me. Although we continued Hebrew School for years, the attendance was still stressful on me. I try to go to a service once a month, minimum. Or anything temple-like. I can't even seem to make it to that. Well, barely if you count special occasions like mezzuzah hannging, birthday parties and Seders. I have a choice of Friday evening or Saturday morning service. There are just so many other things to do. I really like working out on Friday night. I get the entire spinning room to myself and go at my own pace. I really need to be working out and enjoy THAT particular work-out in solitude. Same thing on Saturday, there is always something going on, on Saturday. Recently it's been unpacking one box at a time. I wonder if I even like being at service or if it's just some kind of crazy obligation hanging over my head. One temple, I've been to, I like the service, but not the politics. The other shul, I don't care much for the service, but much less politics. I don't care much for the food served at either (and not knowing the ingredients) and hanging around like I do. Avoidance is easier.

It might be easier on me if John was at all interested and it was a family thing to do together. I admire what Congregations desire to do. I admire that friends of mine seem to have congregations fulfilling many needs for their families. But I don't feel fulfilled with obligatory attendance. I hope so much that having private Bar Mitzvah Lessons will be spiritual fulfilling to me and the boys and anyone in attendance. And even for John in his own way even if he finds meaning in not having to attend anything.

I am also intimidated by planning and the time to plan an event equally or more as pushing the boys along in studying.

3 comments:

Cantor Debbi Ballard said...

Denise,
I'm so proud to be your Personal Cantor, and I hope I can make this experience warm, meaningful, and smooth for you, the boys, and your family.

I also hope I can take some of the responsibility to "push along" off your shoulders, by encouraging the boys to take responsibility for their own change in status, and helping them to realize the benefits of self-accountability.

You are an amazing Mom - and I support you in your quest for finding that which is meaningful and important to you. G-d never says "no", and He is pleased when we find Him on our own journey, in our own way. You are a brilliant woman - and you don't need a group of outside people to tell you how to find your spirituality, or connection. You find it in the foods you make and feed your family, in your solitary spinning time, or Kayaking with your son on a sunny day.

I'm so happy to be part of your journey!
Deb

Mimi Sugar said...

I must say Denise, I have always felt you were a woman that could muti-task very well. I know when it comes to family and what's important you always make the right choices. I know God will open the right doors for you. We aren't robots and there are many ways to full fill God's plan for each of us. I'm sure you will figure it all out for the best for you and the boys.
Love ya, thinks of you often!

Cantor Debbi Ballard said...

Hi again Denise!
Just wanted to let you know I came across an interesting blog -
http://homeshuling.wordpress.com/

Let me know if you get time to take a look.
Deb

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